Time Tunnel Malfunction
by CoolCat9
Summary: Please read. I'm very cold, sick, and lonely.
1. Chapter 1

The Dinosaur Train was rolling around the tracks of the Mesozoic on emergency freight duty. Mrs. Pteranodon, Buddy, and Tiny were unlicky enough to board and be passengers when Mr. Conductor got the message that the Dinosaur Train was needed for a special emergency assignment. They had to stay in the passenger cabins while the train carried out its emergency duties. And it was BOOOOORIIIIIIIINNNNNG.

"Let's play Candy Land," Buddy suggests.

"Um, okay!" Tiny said.

Buddy and Tiny play Candy Land. Buddy wins and Tiny loses. Gilbert called Tiny a loser.

"I want to play something else," Tiny whines.

"Okay, let's play Chutes and Ladders," Buddy suggests.

Buddy and Tiny play Chutes and Ladders. Buddy wins and Tiny loses. Gilbert called Tiny a loser.

"I want to play something else," Tiny whines.

"Okay, let's play Trouble," Buddy suggests.

Buddy and Tiny play Trouble. Buddy wins and Tiny loses. Gilbert called Tiny a loser.

"I want to play something else," Tiny whines.

"Okay, let's play Candy Land," Buddy suggests.

While Buddy and Tiny reenacted that stupid Hannah Montana crossover fic, their mother was in the car's right bathroom. The passenger cars had two bathrooms that were supposed to be segregated men and ladies rooms which didn't pan out due to each bathrooms intended capacity of one person. Ms. Pteranodon was busy fingering herself, it was sort of like a game; she was trying to cum within the fastest time. Since anyone can always use the other bathroom, no one really cared that someone was hogging a restroom for lewd acts.

"I want to play something else," Tiny whines.

"Okay, let's play Uno," Buddy suggests.

Buddy and Tiny play Uno. Buddy wins and Tiny loses. Gilbert called Tiny a loser.

"I want to play something else," Tiny whines.

"Okay, let's play Eels and Escalators," Buddy suggests.

Buddy and Tiny play Eels and Escalators. Buddy wins and Tiny loses. Gilbert called Tiny a loser.

"I want to play something else," Tiny whines.

"Okay, let's play Dungeons and Dragons," Buddy suggests.

Buddy and Tiny play Dungeons and Dragons. Tiny wins and Buddy loses. Gilbert called Shiny a loser.

Just then the Conductor came into the car. He looked at Gilbert.

"Hey junior, wanna have a go at moving the train?" Mr. Conductor said, "It can give experience to being a real Conductor some day!"

"I sure do!" said Gilbert as he ran to the engine.

Gilbert and Mr. Conductor were at the cab of the Dinosaur Train's engine. Looking out the porthole, they were on a track in the cretaceous period. There was a connecting track up ahead that the train would need to back onto. Mr. Conductor was looking toward the back of the train.

"Gilbert, you pull the lever forward to accelerate. I'll tell you when to turn the thing back."

"Okay!" Gilbert pulled the lever forward and the train started moving down the track.

"Alright, pull it back." Mr Conductor said.

Gilbert pulled the lever back, only for it to snap off at the base.

"Uh oh!" Gilbert said. The dinosaur train was rolling through the Late Cretaceous at considerable speed.

"Not again! We really need to sue the factory that makes those levers!" grunted Mr. Conductor. He grabbed a shovel and tried jamming it in the lever's slot. Then his mother came in.

"Sonny boy, what's going on?" she asked.

"I let Gilbert have a go at operating the train. He pulled the drive lever and it broke. If you give me…"

"GILBERT!" Ms. Conductor screamed, "I am very ashamed of you! Get over here you little rascal!" Gilbert tried to run, but he was soon grabbed and beaten by his own grandmother.

"MOM STOP!" Mr Conductor yelled, "Your leaving a bad impression on him!"

"My teacher did this to me in the olden days! The pain helps you learn!"

"IT'S NOT HIS FAULT! You should be beating me for not changing the oil in…"

"Time Tunnel!" Laura shouted as the conductor wasn't paying attention. Mr. Conductor looked forward and nearly pissed himself. The time tunnel they were heading toward was the unfinished one that connects the Late Cretaceous to the Early Tertiary. It was unfinished due to an obvious incident in the Gulf of Mexico. With how unstable this Time Tunnel is, who knows what horrible thing will happen to the Dinosaur train?

"OH FUCK! ITS THE NO-NO TUNNEL!" Mr. Conductor shrieked.

"AAAAARGHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Laura.

"AAAAARGHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Gilbert.

"AAAAARGHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Ms. Conductor, "IF WE LIVE THROUGH THIS, BOTH OF YOU ARE GETTING A WHALES WORTH OF WHOOPING!"

Unable to stop, the train plowed through the barriers in front of the No-No tunnel and sped into the tunnel itself. The track seemed to vanish and the train seemed to tumble around like a log on a string… I don't know how to describe it.

In the passenger area, Buddy and Tiny got pinned to the side of the car by excessive G-forces and they were screaming. The door to the bathroom found its way open and Ms. Tranadon fell between her two children. She actually had her orgasm next to her kids, but no one cared because hey, THEY WERE PROBABLY GOING TO DIE.

"Mo-o-o-om?" Tiny tried to say, "A-a-a-are we-e-e-e go-o-oi-i-ing to-o-o-o die-e-e?!"

"Ma-a-ay-*ugh*-be-e-e?" Mrs. Pteranodon tried saying while orgasming, "Ki-i-ids… *ugh* I-i-i-i lo-o-ove *ugh* yo-o-o-ou…*ugh*!"

(To be continued)


	2. Chapter 2

(Authors Note: To , better known as "burpfart", who review-spammed another story I wrote. I do know how to delete anonymous reviews. I leave many of yours up to show just how horrible of a person you truly are. You are the type of person who gives no respect, and therefore deserves no respect.)

After holding on to dear life in the cab of the Dinosaur Train, the conductor, his nephew, and his mother were all slammed into the instruments as the train finally came to rest somewhere.

"Ugh…" said Mr. Conductor as he got up. He exited the locomotive. Taking off the pair of gauges that got into his eyes like a pair of glasses, he looked into the sky and frowned.

"What the actual fuck is this place?" he said. There were two suns in the sky, which was strange already, but even stranger were giant landmasses floating above the surface.

Mr. Conductor then yelled as he was abruptly pushed forward. His backside started to sting in pain as his mother whipped him furiously.

"IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU AND GILBERT THAT WE GOT INTO THIS MESS!" she said loudly, "YOU BETTER FIND A WAY OUT SOON BECAUSE I'LL BE DOING THIS TO YOU EVERY NIGHT WE'RE STRANDED HERE!"

As Ms. Conductor was spanking her son, Buddy, Tiny, Ms. Pteranodon, and Don (who was sleeping offscreen when he got jolted awake by the crash) got out of the passenger car.

"Woah," said Buddy, "that was too intense for me!"

"You tell me," said Tiny, "It was so scary, I almost peed myself!"

Tiny then noticed the orgasmic fluid leaking from her mother's nether region.

"Mommy, did you pee yourself?"

Ms. Tranodon's cheeks were yellow from embarrassment, "Uh… I think I did, sweetie!" she said, "Totally pissed myself! Case closed!"

"Hey look!" Don said suddenly, pointing toward the back of the train, "It looks like we ran over something!"

Everyone ran to behind the Dinosaur Train's caboose, and saw a crushed and mangled corpse. It was hard to make out details due to it being horribly mutilated, but it appeared to resemble a bipedal mammal. Its blue asphyxiated body was stained magenta by its own blood, which also gave off a nice coppery scent that grabbed the attention of Buddy's nostrils.

"Poor thing… Can I eat it?" the young tyrannosaurus said. Before Buddy could get an answer, the corpse was buried under a layer of vomit which came from Laura.

"Sorry," she said, "I was holding that for a while."

As Laura stepped aside to rest, the rest of the Dinosaur Train Crew stood around, talking.

"So how the Yucatan Crater are we going to get out of here?" said Mr. Conductor, "We are out of coal. I don't want us to be trapped here for eternity, let alone me getting spanked for all eternity!"

"How about we get Laura to push us back the way we came?" asked Mrs. Pteranodon.

"I'M ILL, CAN'T YOU TELL?!"

"Okay, scratch that. How about me and Laura go out to search for male lifeforms. We can then pose as hookers and get money to buy-"

"I'M ILL, CAN'T YOU TELL?!"

"Okay, scratch that. How about I enter Laura's own Giganotosaurus Cavern, find her Gigantosaurus Spot and-"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Okay, scratch that. I give up." Mrs Pteranodon sat down, "Someone else have their own idea?"

"We can find a hole!" Don said, "It could be a wormhole!"

"Good Idea! Laura-"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Laura screamed.

Suddenly, Gilbert pointed toward the barf covered corpse. "Look!"

Everyone turned their heads to find bin weevils snacking on the cadaver. Their presence pretty much confirmed the identity of the run-over victim.

"That was...burpfart?" asked Mrs. Pteranodon in bewilderment.

Buddy then stood up and pointed to the sky. "That's it!" he said, "bin weevils make mulch! The Dinosaur Train can use that as fuel!"

"Smart hypothesis, Buddy!" Mr Conductor said. The troodon captain races over to the bin weevils and negotiated a pretty sweet deal with them: Their mulch in exchange for a magical drug called "Krokodil," which happened to make the bin weevil's mulchmaking capabilities all the more better. Mr. Conductor was very good at his second drug dealer job.

The weevils marched up to the train's coal bunker and put their shit in it. They even did Laura's job of flipping the Dinosaur Train so it could go back the way it came. Mr. Conductor put some mulch in the boiler and lit it up. The train was now steaming, and everyone cheered, then quickly got back onboard.

Ms. Conductor slapped her son on the back.

"OW!" Mr. Conductor yelled.

"Hey, be glad I won't do that to you more often. Your amazing plan got us rolling again."

"Actually it was bu-" Mr. Conductor paused, "Actually, yes! It was my idea! Thank you Mom!"

"You're welcome, sugar."

Mr. Conductor adjusted his hat. "All aboard? LET'S GO!" he said. The train then headed back home as what remained of burpfart's body was eaten by the Krokodil-enhanced bin weevils behind them.


End file.
